Kay "kaypertsd" Whatley

My Grandmother died recently. Certainly I've been thinking a lot about her, her life, and death.

Many times I've wondered about the big "life questions".  Why am I here?  What am I supposed to do?  What is life all about?I can't answer any of these questions now, at 41, any more than I could answer them when I was a child. Getting older and "wiser" doesn't seem to lead to answers; at least, for me it has not. On good days, I think that this world is great and life is to be enjoyed. I appreciate everything around me and view it with awe. On bad days...Well, on bad days I am thankful for Frank and my three children. It is the thought of those four amazing people that keeps me going.

Getting back to my Gramma Ruth. She was just "Gramma" when we were kids, but I've always called her "Gramma Ruth" to my children rather than "Great Gramma" or something else. Gramma Ruth has been sleeping and not talking since Monday the week before Thanksgiving. The Tuesday morning before Thanksgiving, she went to sleep and won't be waking up. She "passed", as Frankie would say.

I have been thinking a lot of Gramma Ruth's life. Her life was so purposeful and so full.  Thinking about her life is helping me to understand all the "big picture" questions... she left behind so many people and so many good works, that it is easy to see that her living her life here on Earth was very worthwhile.

She lived through the death of her mother Gola when she was only 11 years old. Gramma Ruth raised her much younger sister Grace from toddler up. At the time of her mother's death, neighbors offered to take her sister Grace, but Ruth's father Arthur declined.  He wanted to keep the family together, and with Ruth's help they made it work.

Gramma Ruth had stories to tell about Native Americans who lived throughout Ohio where she was raised. Her whole life, Gramma Ruth had a love for Native Americans, and a great respect for them. She did what she could. I believe if she could have given back their lands, she gladly would have.

Gramma Ruth survived step mothers who--while she wouldn't say unkind things--were difficult. She outlived her father by decades. She outlived her younger sister Grace by 18 years. Ruth always missed her mother. My hope is that they are together now.

Gramma Ruth worked as a teacher and went to college, even though that was rare in those days. She loved teaching. She taught in a one-room schoolhouse in Ohio. She had good stories to tell, and she shared them with us all. She also told sad stories, like how of the 17 children in her school, 4 of them died. (I believe I'm remembering the numbers right.) Several siblings died in a house fire. One child died trying to climb in a school window early one morning, and the window fell and killed him. She also shared happy, fond memories of the children that she taught. Because of the way things worked in the 1930s, Gramma Ruth had to stop teaching when she got married. She asked for, and got permission, to finish the school year. In her later years, Gramma Ruth had opportunities to teach again when her children were out of school, and married women were by then allowed to teach.

Gramma Ruth married my grandfather when she was 22 years old. They raised 5 children together. Their children raised children. Her son Robert, my father, took us all to the "family farm" to see Gramma Ruth and Grampa Riley several times each year. As a child, I spent many warm (and cold) days running around the farm, climbing apple trees, picking grapes, chasing calves (sorry, Grampa!), digging in snow, running into electric fences (it was a working farm!), and more. Gramma Ruth always made sure we ate well, dressed warmly, had bedtime stories, and treated each other well.  I don't know where she found all the coats and mittens and hats all we grandchildren needed, but she did!

She wasn't perfect. Sometimes she could be harsh. Mostly she was kind and patient.  She believed deeply in God, and she passed that to all her children. Late in life, my Grampa converted both of them to Mormonism. At the end of her life, she told several family members she was tired of the rituals, etc. and I think if she had had the freedom to get away from the Mormon church, she would have returned to her original church in Hartford OH.

Mostly Gramma Ruth was a good example. She cooked, she worked, she never stopped. She mowed their house lawn with a hand push mower into her late 80s.  To her last year, she was asking to help with chores around the house. My aunt Nancy and her family, angels all, took care of Gramma for the past 4-1/2 years since Grampa Riley died.

Gramma's five children, dozens of grandchildren, dozens of great grandchildren, and even a great-great grandchild or two are all here because of her. She raised hardworking children, who spread out in the world and taught their children positive traits and hard work, and so on through these past few generations. Her kindness and effort changed much. She gave us a good example to follow. Because of her, many of her decendants reach out to the world as well. Our family is full of teachers, reaching out to more generations. My father is an engineer, and worked on rockets with NASA. Cousins work in the church or family camps. Other cousins traveled the world and brought back lessons to share.

I look at her life and know that it purposeful. Gramma Ruth reached out to others.  She changed the world from her own little corner ov it.  Everything she did to help others was a gift to the world. Her life was worth living. She was here for the good of all of us.

So, the next time I wonder why I am here, I'll think that it is so that there can be future generations, and so that while I am here I can use my elbow grease to do some right things in the world. I can teach my children to do their share while they enjoy all the wonders of this world.  I'll think of Gramma Ruth and know that I need to care for my family and those we come into contact with.

Thank you, Renee, for hiring me to write this!